Skip to content

Step Three: Ignoring & Encouraging Behaviors

April 14, 2013

This is part of a multi-step series on how to change unwanted cat behaviors. Click here to learn more.

If you take away anything on this series of correcting our cats’ behaviors, I hope you take away two things. First, too often we try to correct feline behaviors by approaching the situation from our perspective rather than our cat’s. Often this sends the wrong message to our cat, and sometimes enforces the very behavior we’re trying to eliminate!

Photo courtesy woowoowoo.

Like you, I can think back to times where I’ve unknowingly enforced unwanted behaviors. I’ve been that person who gets up at 3 a.m. to feed a cat who won’t leave us alone in hopes that he’ll then be preoccupied by food. Sometimes, Matt would even get out of bed super early in the morning to play with CG to try to wear him out. (PS, both of those are bad ideas!)

I’ve talked to my cats and given them kisses when they’re having a whole loud conversation with me, and I’ve yelled or chased at cats to try to get them to stop doing something (like scratching at a door, etc.). Unfortunately, none of these reactions will help improve or change a cat’s behavior.

The solution is to realize how all of our instinctual reactions are interpreted by our cats, and to instead come up with disciplines and reactions that are in line with our cats’ understanding.

And here’s the other big takeaway: Cats love attention. When our cats do something nice, we give them positive attention. When they do something wrong, we usually give them negative attention. There lies the problem – it’s still attention. Your cat feeds off it and will continue the behavior to get more attention – positive or negative.

The solution? When they’re engaging in an unwanted behavior, don’t respond. That’s it. When your cat misbehaves, ignore him. Do not speak one word to him. Here your actions will “speak” volumes to your cat, as you deny him the attention he desires. By not reacting, he’ll realize that the behavior is no longer effective, and he’ll soon turn his attention to other   things.

Note: Use some wisdom when deciding when to ignore your cat. Negative behaviors like scratching at a door so you’ll open it are different from your cat having litter box troubles. Determining the root of your cat’s behavior will help.

Training your cat involves more than simply ignoring him. It also involves positive reinforcement, that is, rewarding him for good behavior, too. The goal is to make the behaviors you want more enjoyable than the behaviors you want to discourage. Immediately reward your cat once he does something you like. He’ll associate that with the behavior, and will likely repeat it for more of the reward.

Photo courtesy spilltojill

That said, timing is essential when modifying a behavior. If you come home to a scratched-up couch, punishing your cat after the fact won’t do any good. Your cat won’t connect the two. To be effective, the reward or discipline needs to come immediately after the behavior.

When your cat does something well – like using her scratching post, being kind to another one of your cats, you can reward her in several ways like pets, praise, food or treats (use this reward sparingly!), and playtime. Some cats even respond well to being combed or playing with a certain toy. You likely know what gets your cat excited. Use that as a motivator and reward.

Here’s where it gets tricky: Remember that attention in our cats’ eyes is seen as a reward. So even if you think you’re disciplining your cat, if you’re giving them any attention at all, you may be unintentionally rewarding them.

So why did my methods above not work? Let’s take a look:

Problem: Cat won’t sleep through the night and keeps you awake. Wrong solution: Waking up to play or feed your cat. Why? Your cat views playtime and food as rewards, so you’re simply enforcing the behavior, as if it’s OK. Better solution: Make sure you play with your cat before you go to bed, put out some food to hold them over (or get a scheduled feeder), and ignore them (close the door, put in earplugs) if that doesn’t work.

Problem: Your cat is very vocal with his demands. Wrong solution: Talking back to your cat while petting him or giving him various things that he may want. Better solution: Ignore your cat when he’s getting too demanding. If necessary, give him a timeout in a quiet room for 20 minutes (and no attention!). If he still acts up once he comes out of timeout, repeat the process.

Problem: Your cat paws at doors, scratches at things he shouldn’t, etc. Wrong solution: Although we see running up to the cat and yelling as negatives, they’re exactly what your cat wants – attention. He soon learns that if he wants your attention, all he needs to do is engage in that behavior. Instead, ignore him as much as possible while he’s misbehaving. This will be difficult, and may mean that you need to move/remove/change some things in your home to make this a bit easier on everyone. For example, if your cat always knocks over your bathroom wastebasket, perhaps get a new one with a lid or keep it in a cabinet.

Photo courtesy Spacemanbobby

Through all of this, it may help to remember a few tips:

  • Use your cat’s natural behavior to your advantage.
  • Cat-proof your home as much as possible.
  • Use timeouts if necessary (do not play, pet, or talk to a pet who’s in timeout).

If you continue to be diligent in ignoring undesired behaviors and rewarding good behaviors, you should start to see a long-term change in your cat. Remember, things will not change overnight. But by continuously communicating the same messages to our cat, they’ll understand and modify their behavior on their own.

Introduction: Unwanted Cat Behaviors? Here Are Steps You Can Take

Step One: Determine The Root Of The Problem

Step Two: Provide Options & Remove Problems

Bonus: More Solutions for Demanding Cats

6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 14, 2013 8:16 am

    I learned to practice tough love with the scratching and meowing at the door to come in. It worked and everyone settled down and slept downstairs. We moved overseas to a one floor apartment and kept our door open but they slept on dining room chairs and only came in when they heard us moving around in the morning. Now I’m back at our old house in the US and I have to train them again but I have my friend/tenant in the house and tough love is very noisy for her. If she’s away, I practice it The normal cat rattles the door and meows and the CH kitty just makes a thumping noise coming up the stairs and then meows. I have to let them in to keep the house quiet. When she moves out, it’s tough love time.

  2. Colleen permalink
    September 20, 2013 8:04 am

    I have a moderate to severe CH girl and she will not stop meowing! I really don’t know what to do with her. Most of the time, I go over to see what she wants/needs. I’m pretty sure she does it because she knows I will try to figure out what she’s asking for and just give it to her (spoiled) but she has a hard time walking. She can walk slowly but ends up falling down several times during the trip. As I type this, she’s sitting just slightly out of my sight, in front of my bedroom door and yowling. Moooooooow? Moooooooow? Usually I stand her up and give her a walking assist by putting my hands around her belly, to let her move me towards what she wants. The bed? The litter box? Use your words!! Lol I wish she could just tell me what’s wrong. Or shut up, whichever.

  3. Lucas permalink
    March 7, 2015 11:25 am

    Okay so what if your cat is acting out by biting you because you dont pay attention to them trying to get attention from you? The other day I was walking around trying to find something and kitty wanted to play. He shown my by meowing for several minutes and placing a playful pounce to my foot. Then after a few seconds, he instead decides to attack my leg to the point where it bled.
    There are often times where he is in the mood to play and while walking away from him will infact either I think out of aggression or playfullness, attack the back of my leg so hard it will bleed.
    There was a few occasions he was meowing when I was talking to a friend of mine, and after a while with no attention at him at all he pounced and attacked my face from the side with claws and teeth.
    Theres no other way to react than to give that negative attention by making it stop for your own safety by either stopping him, spraying him, or giving him time out to calm down. But it never changes.
    I’m not sure what to do other than that, especially if he doesnt understand that what he is doing is hurting me.

    • Katrina permalink
      August 19, 2018 1:18 am

      Hello! I am wondering if you ever found a solution to this? My cat does the same things to myself and my children. I’ve about had it, My daughter is scared to go to sleep unless her door is closed in fear of him now.

  4. Soto permalink
    October 13, 2018 1:41 am

    Hi, most of the stuff I’ve read here has worked, but, I have one issue I can’t figure out, my 4 month old kitty has taken a liking to sleeping under/inside my recliner sofa chair(there’s this fabric on the under side, like a layer that opens up when the chair is not extended), this poses a problem for his own safety, about a week ago I had a guest over, I lost track of where my Kitty was as I saw him playing just moments ago, my guest sat on a sofa chair and extended it, aaaaand, out comes my kitten after a squeal and my guest quickly jumping off, here lies what I can’t figure out : how can I get my kitty to stop sleeping in there?

    I dont want a repeat of something like that or.posibly worse on accident and I simply can’t try methods like spraying water as I’ve used for things like scratching, it’s a tight spot, I can’t ignore him, because In his shoes he’s just going to sleep somewhere comfy, and even though he already got hurt once he just won’t stop crawling back in there, thanks

  5. Karl A. permalink
    December 10, 2018 8:38 pm

    Thank you for this article. You are a very good writer and it also helped to hear some of the things you tried at first that may have not worked how you planned. I’m in that tough initial stage of trying to correct behavior, mostly needing too much attention or play, some of which is my fault, but like you, through either the best intentions or just at your wit’s end without regular sleep. It really helped to have someone concisely and clearly express what I am currently going through. Not wanting to punish as you are there new favorite thing, but also needing some semblance of your own life back as well. Much appreciated.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: